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NOTES FROM DEANNA

10 Loving Ways to Take Care of Your Pregnant Wife or Partner

10 Loving Ways to Take Care of Your Pregnant Wife or PartnerAs a new father, you are probably overwhelmed with many feelings, but one of the main ones might be helplessness. What is your role in pregnancy? How can you show the mother of your baby that you support her and care about what is happening to her? It can be tempting to just step aside and wait for an obvious sign for what you should be doing or a clue from your wife, but believe me, she is too busy trying to manage her own new role to also explain what she needs from you. Here are 10 ways you can begin to help your partner get through pregnancy.

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Be Positive

The best thing you can do for your partner who is pregnant is to always stay positive about pregnancy, labor and childbirth. The last thing you want to do is to scare her with stories of sleepless nights, labor pains, sagging skin, etc, no matter what someone you know experienced. Everyone is different and her state of mind will be the number one factor in her own experience, so don’t put negative messages into her head and plant a seed of fear. Instead, praise her choices, encourage and support her, tell her she can do it. You can also help her by turning off tv shows or movies with scary images of childbirth or parenthood, and stop caregivers or friends from relaying negative stories as well.

Read here why expectations shape experience when it comes to pregnancy and childbirth.

Massage or Massage Gift

Particularly in the third trimester, women’s pregnant bodies can become hard to live in. We have pressure, joint pain, aching muscles, a baby punching our organs, and stretching skin that make sleep and normal activity very difficult. As the father, one of the most loving things you can do for the woman carrying your child is to offer a massage right before bed. A foot massage can help with swelling and discomfort all over, and a leg and lower back massage will help get the blood moving and lymph system draining. If she doesn’t want massage, offer to bring her a heat pack for her back or to draw her a foot bath with epsom salt. If you can, the perfect gift for an expecting mother is a gift certificate for a pregnancy massage.

Educate Yourself

Reading and learning about pregnancy and what she is going through is such a great way to make your partner feel understood. She will feel less alone and as if she has a partner who has an understanding of this physically and emotionally demanding time. Understanding the massive hormonal and physical changes she undergoes will also better equip you to be more sympathetic when she has mood swings, cries over something small, has morning sickness all day, or just wants to sleep. She will also have one less thing to worry about, when labor starts she won’t have to explain to you what is going on and can just concentrate on what she needs to do. Here is a great list of “Daddy”/birth partner books for you to stock up on:

Validate What She’s Going Through

Men in particular have a tendency to want to fix something when it seems broken. When she complains about how hard pregnancy is, just remember that these are just her feelings for the moment, don’t take them personally, and try to validate them. You can say “This must be really hard for you, I can’t imagine” or my favorite “Is there anything I can do to make this easier or to help you?” Sometimes just getting it all out to a sympathetic ear is just what she needs to turn her feelings around.

Be Affectionate

Lots of women want to feel that they are still sexy, even with their changing body. Let her know she’s sexy and that you still find her attractive! As scary as sex may be to you right now, remember that in no way does it harm the baby or your partner in a healthy pregnancy. While not all expecting moms may feel like making love, many still want to feel close to their partners in this way, so make sure you’re in tune with her feelings on this matter. No matter what, shower her with hugs and kisses whenever she needs them.

10 Loving Ways to Take Care of Your Pregnant Wife or Partner

Me with my own loving, supportive husband

Reassure Her

When she worries about gaining weight, getting rounder, getting stretch marks, or other body changes, remind her that she’s still beautiful, even MORE beautiful (maybe have her read this). If she is scared of upcoming labor and childbirth, let her know that you KNOW she is capable and will have no problems. If she worries about impending motherhood, let her know you think she is going to be a wonderful mother and that the two of you will figure it out together.

Be Sensitive

Try to be sensitive about her new lifestyle, and consider adopting or dropping the same habits that she has to. She needs to eat nutritiously, exercise, get plenty of sleep, give up things like caffeine and alcohol, and avoid junk food and other toxins for the baby. Avoid smoking around her, drinking alcohol in front of her, staying out late with friends, eating junk food that you wouldn’t want her (or your baby) to eat. You can encourage (not nag or lecture!) the healthy habits by going grocery shopping with her to find healthy foods you both will eat, and go on walks with her to help her get in her exercise. Here are 5 essential habits for a healthy pregnancy.

And try to keep your own complaining about backaches and sickness to a minimum. I mean, we’re building a human here, you know??

Reduce Her Stress

When a problem arises in her pregnancy, research ways to help her through and be one step ahead to help solve it. If she has morning sickness, buy her a seasickness armband and some ginger pops. If she is uncomfortable sleeping, help her arrange pillows around her body and make her comfortable. If she is sick all day and having trouble with cooking, offer to do it for her or to pick up dinner. Take extra precautions to avoid meaningless arguments, and do not burden her with any unnecessary information that may cause her tension or stress. Remember that the baby feels everything she feels, and a stressed out mom = a stressed out baby.

Accompany Her to Doctor/Midwife Appointments

Not only will this help you to bond intensely with your unborn child and your wife, but you’ll hear invaluable information about pregnancy, your baby, and childbirth firsthand. You’ll also be showing your baby mama just how committed you are to her and your baby.

Buy Her Gifts That Make Her Life Easier

Over the course of her pregnancy you can shower the mother of your child with gifts that will help her cope with pregnancy. Be sure to check out these ten essential items for a fit, comfortable pregnancy for some fantastic ideas.

One more tip: just tell her you read this list. What a great first start.

What advice do you want to give to your husband or partner to help you through pregnancy? Or if you’re a dad, what did you do to help your partner feel supported?

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  1. sunshine jain

    May 14th, 2014 at 3:42 am

    Thank you very much…….

  2. Manjunath

    September 18th, 2014 at 7:46 am

    Thanks for d wonderfully explanation….!!!!

  3. Deanna Schober

    September 18th, 2014 at 9:28 am

    You’re welcome 🙂 Hope it helps!

  4. muzafferali

    January 16th, 2016 at 10:30 am

    Hi u look absolute stunning and beautiful!

  5. paul

    October 19th, 2014 at 12:07 am

    Thx am woman rilly likes your site

  6. yogesh

    October 17th, 2014 at 4:09 am

    Thank u very very much…it was very much in need

  7. Dawit

    November 9th, 2014 at 8:16 pm

    Well I’m very happy to read your educational thought. I just want to say I’m looking forward to read more to make my loving wife happy. She’s the most amazing wife. I’m dead sure to say that she is my oxygen with out her I’m just nothing.

  8. thembinkoc

    March 22nd, 2015 at 1:55 pm

    Thank yew

  9. Sepehr

    November 15th, 2014 at 4:49 pm

    Awesome article. My experience of taking care of my wife: A rose a day + being caring, positive and confident at all times. She’s worth much more but that’s pretty much what I can do to thank her for being my love.

  10. joye

    January 8th, 2015 at 11:14 am

    wow its helpful n now i have an idea how to take care of my love TX Guys

  11. benji

    March 21st, 2015 at 5:37 am

    Thanks.

  12. mdu

    June 2nd, 2015 at 1:00 pm

    thnx guys, now I’m confident that my wife feel my presence….. I love her sooooo much

  13. jaydeep makwana

    June 5th, 2015 at 10:13 pm

    wooww! thanks for it… it will help me soon…

  14. Ivan

    August 20th, 2015 at 12:05 pm

    God bless u so much. I am going to improve my concern fo my pregnant wife.

  15. philip

    September 30th, 2015 at 11:17 pm

    Thank You So Very Much For The Advice!

  16. Dominic Alubale

    October 30th, 2015 at 3:31 pm

    Thank you for the information I really needed it

  17. JeNik

    October 31st, 2015 at 9:12 am

    Thank you very much, i was needing this.
    We are only on first step but, I know that we are sensitive and sometimes is hard to see out of the box, and easy to take things personal.
    It really helps me to see things differently and be able to help her avoiding all negative.
    This is an amaizing moment of our life and i want to do it right for all of us, she is the engine of my life and i would do anything to make her happy and for be happy together as well.

    Im just a woman that loves her woman and our future baby.

  18. michael

    November 4th, 2015 at 11:38 am

    Soon to be an (outside) father (wife is 26 weeks), a tip for an expecting father would be have some empathy, and drop the ego if possible.. All relationships are based on needs, you’re you, so you know what you need, but your wife or mate also has needs, if you meet hers and clearly establish your needs they will be met, just be sure not to confuse needs with wants…

    Tell your wife she is beautiful, kiss the top of her head.. Wash the dishes (without being a dumbass, I.E, seeking validation/recognition, you’ll get it in other ways, if you’re not a turd).

    Make your wife comfortable in her own skin, she’s worth it..

    I have combat related PTSD, so emotionally connecting was very difficult for many years, you need to be actively participating in your relationship, your partner cannot and should not fulfill your needs automatically/autonomously, and if she’s pregnant she needs for you to be involved, “fake it till you make it”, worked wonders for me. I’m now able to take an active role in my marriage, and be an “awesome husband”, it didn’t happen overnight.. Take the time to live your life, and prove to your wife/partner you’re worth their efforts everyday, and keep the tiny life in your wife’s belly a positive attribute to your relationship. She’ll truly love how supportive you are/become by just fulfilling her needs..

    All the best,

    Mike

  19. Deanna Schober

    November 4th, 2015 at 12:37 pm

    This is beautiful. Thank you and congrats on your new baby!

  20. John

    December 14th, 2016 at 10:22 am

    This is amazing to read ur experiance what u shared with us i awating for some more from u so that i want to make my wife my angle more happy she is amazing my breath which never stops

  21. muzafferali

    January 16th, 2016 at 10:24 am

    As a father,we all need to feel all the trimesters of a pregnant mother emotionally,nevertheless it is impossible to feel physically.don’t think that our duty was only to sow the seed in the precious and valuable womb only!we need to nuture it beautifully throughout life.

  22. Subail

    July 24th, 2016 at 3:11 am

    Thank you

  23. Leo

    August 20th, 2016 at 12:26 am

    Thank you sobmuch for the advices !

  24. Anthony Honeycutt

    September 4th, 2016 at 4:32 pm

    I didn’t know what was going on with her but now I have read and about this I have a different perspective on things. U feel so dumb for not knowing what was going on but now I know I hope I can make the best pregnancy for her …I hope she forgives me

  25. Danny

    April 3rd, 2017 at 5:21 pm

    Reading in this has helped me learn how to keep scoring those brownie points through this hard but exciting time and on a serious note show me what I have been doing wrong.

    Thank you

  26. Tom

    April 24th, 2018 at 2:53 pm

    This has proved so useful to me. I really needed this as it seems I have not been getting it right this whole period with my wife.
    It’s her first pregnancy and I want to learn as much as I can to be of great help to her and make this nine months phase of her life a blissful one.

    Thank you immensely for this write-up.

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