Every so often, someone will make a remark to me about how I seem to have it all together. I have to laugh because I feel like I’m barely surviving most days.
I have four kids, and one of them (the youngest) has special needs. My days are full of wrestling one kid out of the pantry while making sure the others don’t forget to eat something of sustenance, begging everyone to do their chores, making doctor and dental appointments, giving the dog the multiple medications she requires for allergies along with her special medicated baths and food, and driving everyone to allll the practices and functions.
And this is all just by noon. After that, I switch gears and step into my office….my bedroom…. and begin coaching clients, leading trainings, writing emails like this, recording podcasts, or tending to one of the other millions of details that goes into running a business.
Now, I don’t want this next part to come across like “no excuses!!!” because I don’t believe in that. It’s BS. We don’t owe anyone an excuse for how we live our lives, and at this phase of motherhood, pushing ourselves into the ground is the worst thing we could do.
But what I am saying is that back when I had three little ones instead of four, I was neglecting myself because I thought I had to. I thought that’s what good moms did. I dieted and exercised to “fix” my body and be acceptable, but it never stuck and I was too exhausted to figure out why.
To me then, and I think to many women in this country, we think being a mom means sacrificing our human needs to tend to the children. We allow ourselves to become less than human and want for nothing. I have had multiple clients admit to me that they make lunch for their kids and THEIR SPOUSE every day but not for themselves. Because it’s easy to let yourself down in the moment, but really feels like crap to say no to them.
Mom Guilt has taken over the mothers of our society, and I’m here to tell you that I’ve been there. I’ve lived it. I have the t-shirt.
AND THERE IS A BETTER WAY.
What I didn’t mention in my run-down of my day is that before I ever wrestle the five year old out of the pantry, before the first medication is stuffed in a pill pocket for the dog, before I strategize with my clients and give away everything that needs to be given….
I first take care of myself and my needs. I workout, I eat, I meditate, and I prepare mentally for the day.
I walk into my duties each day feeling refreshed, energized, uplifted, fueled, and centered. Because of this, I have more than enough to give to all of those who need me.
It’s a rule of life that without circulation, there is stagnation and death. Think about breathing. First we breathe in, then we breathe out. This happens all day every day without us ever thinking about it.
But for many moms (and that younger version of me who didn’t know how), all we are ever doing is breathing out WITHOUT EVER STOPPING TO BREATHE IN.
So we are giving it all away and then wondering why we’re so tired, resentful, unhappy, and on edge. <—-Those are the exact words that my oldest child, who is now old enough to remember and reflect, used to describe me during his childhood.
But all most of us know is dieting and exercising to fix our post-baby bodies, which just feels like another chore we have to get done on top of everything else.
We need a massive shift in the way we are viewing the things that are good for us and the things that we need daily in order to feel human, and to begin to draw that precious breath in.
This way, we bring our A game to the table each and every day. I owe it to them, but I also owe it to myself. My quality of life matters, and so does yours.
Your chance to come breathe in for an entire weekend for an amazing rate is slipping away, as the Strength In Mothers Retreat special earlybird pricing is ending TOMORROW AT MIDNIGHT, and then the price is jumping from $297 to $497.
Come and immerse yourself in self-care, but more than that, leave with a plan to bring that feeling into your everyday life so you can feel energized, fulfilled, and HUMAN like I do now, every day of motherhood.
And if you’d like to continue this conversation, I’m going to be hosting a special Instagram Live today (Tuesday) at 3:30PM Central where I’ll dive deeper into this topic and answer some of the most common questions I get about incorporating healthy actions into our chaotic lives and doing it without diets. Follow me at @DeannaSchober and make sure you tune in at 3:30CST to get your own questions in and join the discussion!